A friend recently came to me with a query. It seemed a pretty standard "duh" sort of question until I reminded myself that not everyone has the great misfortune of living inside my head and, thus, does not over-analyze situations that haven't even been presented. Because I just have that kind of free time.
Perhaps some back story is in order.
A year ago, my friend was seeing a girl and ended up breaking things off due to her inability to be anything other than an insufferable bitch to anyone she had no reason to be nice to. I had once heard a saying that went,
"A person reveals their true nature by the way they treat the people they don't need in life."
As far as I'm concerned, the notion rings true and my friend took it to heart. Like a good boy.
Long story short, he kicks this girl to the curb and cuts all ties with her. Fast forward a year and she shows up out of the blue to make an apology before she leaves to start a life in another state. And I mean the whole spiel; the lengthy and detailed apology, the "you really changed my life" speech, the melodramatic good-bye kiss that even Casablanca would roll its eyes at. This girl had practiced.
So here's my friend, standing like a deer in a headlights because he can't figure out what the hell just occurred. I explained to him that the girl needed closure and she chose to do it in the most soap opera-esque way she could on such short notice. We chuckled at the nonsense of it all and resumed our previous conversation on quantum mechanics.
However, I found myself thinking (this can only end well) about my own past regrets and how I had wronged those who did not deserve it. Yes, the connections had been severed between them and myself but I could still find them if I had tried. Perhaps I lack the flare for drama that girl possessed or maybe I simply didn't care enough (and considering how often I lie awake at night and brood over past transgressions, I'd bet money on the former) but I never went back and made amends.
How necessary is closure? I've certainly done alright without going too far out of my way for it but I wonder if it'd bring me that peace of mind thing that everyone likes to go on about. Apparently it's a good sleeping aid; I don't know.
I'd have to think of a tactful way to do it, too. Should I drive the 6 hours to my hometown, show up at the doorstep of everyone I've made mistakes with and say, "Hey, remember that time I fucked up? My bad." Something tells me I'd get some confused stares and a couple doors slammed in my face. I don't even think my friend completely accepted the aforementioned girl's apology; he seemed more taken aback than forgiving.
I realize that people all make mistakes, whether it's being a dick to others for the sake of doing so or hurting someone when you didn't mean to. Something tells me I never sought forgiveness because I didn't feel I was owed any and would feel presumptuous asking for it. Then again, it might have been worth the effort.
Do they deserve an apology? Yes. But there's that stubborn pride, prodding me in the back of the head again and whispering, "They're just going to laugh at you. Don't bother." I only wish I'd realized sooner that there's something that rings louder in my ears than pride. "Hi, Dani? It's karma. Guess who has jury duty."
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