Compliments! Compliments for Everyone!

In the past, I have made no secret of the fact that I hold a great amount of disdain for false modesty. In my opinion, it's a sneaky, underhanded way to fish for (usually undeserved) compliments. No one owes you praise; if you deserved it, it would be given freely. Instead, you poke and prod at those around you with bullshit like, "I'm so fat" and "I hate my hair, I wish I had her/your/someone else's hair." I don't see how attempting to pry compliments out of people makes anyone feel better since you have to practically beg for them, meaning they weren't something anyone was about to give you if you'd kept your needy mouth shut.
But I'm not about to start beating a dead horse by making yet another post about that particular breed of imbecile. This isn't about them; it's about me. This rant is about how everyone around me seems to have some physical need to reassure me of my good qualities. An ex boyfriend of mine once said to me, "I have to fish for you to fish for compliments."

There's a difference between blatantly begging for validation and being hilariously self-deprecating. I don't go out of my way to squeeze in a line about how fat I am (hehe... squeeze, fat, get it?) but I won't pretend I'm a goddamn supermodel when the topic comes up. When people ask me how I see myself, my typical answer is "I'm alright." And that's that. I'm alright. Yeah, I've got shit that needs fixing but I'm not going to bore everyone around me to tears whining about it.
I'm honestly getting a little sick and tired of everyone flattering me needlessly because they think my self-esteem isn't high enough. My self-esteem is exactly where it needs to be, thank you very much. The only thing I hate more than false modesty is narcissism. Everyone around me (you know who you are) is apparently desperate to create some sort of egomaniacal monster with their unwarranted praise and reassurance. You asked me what I thought of myself and I told you. No one asked for your opinion, go away.
Better yet, let's just stop bringing my appearance into conversation altogether. I don't want to talk about something so inconsequential unless it's directly related to the subject at hand. Every time it comes up and I deny the fact that I may be attractive, no one seems to have the capacity to let it go. Suddenly it's everyone's god-given duty to convince me of how pretty and smart and funny and oh-so-speshul I am. On the other hand, if I finally cave and just say, "Fuck it. Yes. Ok? Yes, I am pretty," then it's off-putting and I look like a goddamn narcissist. I just can't win.
I don't think I've met anyone else with this problem but I wish I would. I would very much like to meet another person who is sick and tired of undue compliments so we can sit around and safely make fun of ourselves all day long. The only person I'd gladly accept random compliments from would be a significant other (and that's only because it was in the contract.)
I don't know what people get out of bombarding me with their needless adulation. It doesn't make me feel better; it makes me uncomfortable. I start getting this sense of overwhelming guilt because I don't go out of my way to tell people how good their hair looks today because I assume (since most people own a mirror) they're already aware.
I realize I might sound ungrateful or arrogant by complaining about this but it really does get annoying after a while. It's as though my being self-deprecating makes people think I'm fishing for compliments when, in reality, I'm just trying to make a joke. Everyone likes poking fun at others and I gladly offer myself up as a punchline. I'm well-acquainted with myself, so my looks and appearance aren't anything especially foreign to me. That being said, I'm pretty sure I don't really need a bunch of third parties putting in their two cents. What really gets me is how something so pointless and superficial is even an issue. It's not worth discussing, it really isn't.
Leave my butt, my weight and my hair out of this and let's talk about string theory or something, PLEASE.