I'm just going to come right out and say it: I don't like children. Now if you've known me for a while, you'll be very much aware of this fact and probably hesitant to bring it up because you see how peeved I get just talking about it. I do get peeved... and for good reason, I think. Children annoy the effervescent shit out of me and I will tell you why.
On their own, small kids are not pleasant things. They are selfish, shrieking little parasites who will howl non-stop until they get their way. I am well aware that they "don't know any better" and, while I understand the concept, am no less annoyed because of that. If you use that argument, you are admitting that they are incomplete. They have not learned proper social etiquette, manners or general rules of behavior necessary to co-exist with others. If this was an adult who portrayed such behaviors, people would lock him or her up in a government facility. Kids, on the other hand, get treated like tiny gods for acting this way.
Then there's the whole "But they're so cute!" nonsense. No, they're not. Stop bullshitting. Maybe when they're 6 or so they start looking like a proper human being but before that, they are awkwardly shaped at best and generally hideous mutant-looking things at worst. I honestly don't give a crap whose eyes they have; they're too big for their bodies and that's all I can think about when I look at one. Hell, when I was born, apparently I was so ugly I made my mom cry. Turns out I was just positioned weird in the womb so my nose was all crooked for a bit but after that fixed itself, I was still wonky-looking. Giant ears, wobbly neck, freckles everywhere... I was not an attractive kid. At least my mom was honest about it and that's more than I can say for the other gushing parents out there who think drool and snot is adorable.
Let's not forget my FAVORITE (read: most hated) argument... potential. That's the word they love to throw at me. People just love kids because of all of their potential. What people don't seem to realize is that these little brats have the potential to be ANYTHING. They could become the President of the United States someday... and they could become a serial rapist. The odds are pretty much 50/50 at this point. But for some reason, everyone acts like they're so goddamn sure the kids are DEFINITELY going to do something good with their lives so they praise, spoil and downright worship them. Honestly? Most kids turn out to be shitheads just like the rest of us. That's just a statistical fact.
Those same people then turn around and treat other adults like shit. Children have done absolutely nothing for society and they get more love and respect than any hard-working, tax-paying adult you see on the street. People will cry crocodile tears at the first mention of a child dying (despite the fact that a lot of them aren't even self-aware yet and don't realize what's going on) but will not hesitate to step over your corpse for a better parking spot. They'll treat most strangers with no regard for their well-being when the odds of them being the next Nobel prize recipient are also 50/50. That kid you shower with gifts and affection for having done absolutely nothing will grow up to be a dick for all you know... and the guy you just cut off in traffic could be the guy that cures cancer. Hypocrites, the lot of them.
"Oh, you won't think that way when you have your own--" Stop right there. I will have you know that I do not intend to sire any hellspawn of my own, thank you very much. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why people are so keen on having 20 kids when they can barely afford 1. And then they get government checks for it, too! Why are we rewarding these mindless BREEDERS?! People who have children just for the sake of having children?! It baffles me. Their genes are never particularly amazing (I'd be willing to bet diabetes and "thyroid problems" run in a lot of those families, go figure) and the kids just grow up sharing old, beaten toys because the parents were too short-sighted to realize, "Well... I could have 5 kids and only be able to provide the bare minimum for them... or I could have 2 and give them better opportunities. Like college." I'm pretty sure most of them do it just for the novelty of it. Oh, look, you procreated. How special and original. No one in the history of the planet has ever managed THAT before. You must be so proud.
No, no. I intend to adopt. Instead of passing along my bad back, bum knees, slow metabolism and bad eyesight I think I'll just give a home to a kid who already exists and is in need of a better life. I also figure an adopted kid would be more grateful for getting him or her out of a third-world country and into a good home whereas some kid I popped out would take everything I gave for granted. Plus I don't find the idea of going through pregnancy appealing in the least. I mean, you never really know what you're going to get when you have your own... like I said, 50/50 he's going to turn out rotten. Then you have to go through the sleepless nights that inevitably come with having an infant, the drooling, the crying, the puking, the diaper changing... OR you could take in an 8 year old who already has something of a personality you can gauge and use a toilet on his own.
Above all, I am sick to death of being told I'm a freak for thinking this way. "Wired wrong." That's the term they love to use. Women are supposed to be programmed to love and cherish these small parasites, not cringe at them. Why would I love something that has done nothing for me? Why should I give a shit about this shrieking thing that looks like something out of a horror film? I don't know how to talk to one, nor would I want to. They have nothing of importance to say. "I like cows." Well fucking good for you. Come back to me when you can hold a conversation or do something worthwhile. Wired wrong...
Fuck you. You're wired wrong, you self-righteous cunts.
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