Look, I'm all for self-improvement but if you intend to go around and tell people to do this and that because it'd make them better somehow, you better have some fucking credentials handy. I'm not about to take lifestyle tips from people wandering the streets of glorious San Fernando Valley.
"Wow, you've been going around smiling a lot more lately. Something happen?"
"Yeah. Some guy wearing a garbage bag on his head told me to."
Then there are the ones you know, people you may consider anything from an acquaintance to a friend, who can't seem to keep their mouths shut. These people I'll be far more willing to listen to and take to heart but you can't just go around telling me off without warning like some of you do. It's like all my friends got together and decided on a game of, "Who can catch Dani off guard with an offhand remark?" and I was not informed (though I suppose that would defeat the purpose but still...). There I am, sitting at a cafe with a friend, having a lovely time when there's a small lull in the conversation... and then suddenly, "You know what annoys me about you, Dani?" BAM. Right out of left field. Seriously? It's not like anything happened at that moment that sparked that need to tell me I suck; I was literally just. Sitting. There. (And not once has it been the way I sit or sip my coffee that was the issue.) No, no, no. They'll bring up some shit I did a while back or lifestyle choices I happen to make that they don't particularly agree with. It's just been something they've apparently wanted to let me know pissed them off for a good while now and they wanted to wait until the most awkward fucking time to let me know.
I get it, I'm not the most perfect human being to ever grace this planet. This isn't news to me. But guess what? I'm pretty ok with myself, flaws and all. I'm even ok with hating my flaws! Keeps my ego in check, you know?
I know I may sound like a hypocrite since I make it a point to let my friends know how much I hate the clothes they wear because it makes them look like an unemployed teenager or how they should probably brush their hair once in a while if they ever intend to get laid... but I don't do it out of fucking nowhere. I offer advice (or, you know, demands, depending on who you are to me) to those who bitch and moan about the sad state of their lives or love lives and can't seem to fix it. That's where I come in. You want to nail that interview? You may want to consider a shower and a haircut. Annoyed that no girl will sleep with you? Maybe start dressing better and working on your approach. (Sitting 2 seats away at a bar and occasionally glancing at her is not what I'd consider an "approach." In fact, that could probably be defined as the opposite of an approach.) If you're ok with your situation, I will probably keep my mouth shut and let you look like a hobo with cake frosting in your beard all you damn well please. Doesn't bother me any.
I guess it's human nature to just sort of assume we're an authority on everything ever. Trust me, if I want your input, I will make it a point to let you know. But if I tell you, "Oh, this is what I do to stay in shape," immediately blurting out, "I KNOW A GOOD WAY TO STAY IN SHAPE, YOU JUST HAVE TO--" is a surefire way to make me never want to talk to you again. No joke, I was recently having a conversation about staying in shape with someone and he was trying to tell ME that I should do this, that or the other thing. Dude was at least 75 lbs overweight and no, it wasn't muscle mass. I didn't even bother telling him that drinking mountain dew every other day was probably a bad idea because apparently he was an expert on fitness so hey, more power to him.
You should also remember that there's a distinct difference between "he needs advice" and "I don't like that he does that." The latter is really what gets me. Look, I get we're friends and all... but we all have character traits that may set the other person's teeth on edge every now and again. Do I wait around for a random moment to let you know just how annoying I find your stutter? No? Then I don't really want to hear your opinions about my taste in men. Sounds fair, right? Now if I ASK... that's another story entirely. But I don't. Because I don't care. This is a friendship, not a Starbucks where you can say, "Yeah, the drink is good but it's a bit too sweet" and send it back until it's perfect.
"Yeah, you're a good friend and all but I don't really like that you curse so much/eat too fast/blink so often." That so? Let me put in a complaint with my birthgiver and she can try again.
I think we all just really need to get over ourselves (yes, myself included, hurr hurr) because GUESS WHAT... no one knows everything about everything. If I was qualified to lecture people about fitness, I probably wouldn't have these giant thighs. I've certainly given my share of bad advice over the years. I've also asked for advice when I pretty much knew what I wanted and regretted not doing what I initially intended to.
Honestly, this whole post was meant to be a rant about how much I hate strangers telling me to smile (because this really does happen on a monthly basis and it's not like I can just go out and order a new fucking face) and it just sort of escalated into, "You know what? That's shit that these other people do... that's not cool either."
So basically, what I'm trying to say is fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
All right, so I have something to add to this.
ReplyDeleteI am a tiny bit surprised that you didn't mention family members too. You know, because a lot of moms are notorious for giving "advice" and criticism where it most certainly (and often times it is outwardly spoken) not asked for.
There have been so many times where I'll be just there, minding my business trying to have a civilized conversation or outing with my mother, when suddenly she strikes my mood down with a negative comment about my weight, my skin, etc. Not so much help as it is judgment and "why are you this way". It's a good way for her to take a descent day and shit on it.
In relation to that lady who told you to smile... I once had a lady come up to me while I was sitting alone on a bench thinking, telling me I looked absolutely depressed and asked if I wanted to talk about Jesus.
I'm sure this was an act of kindness on her part, but I think there are different ways of going about talking to a stranger without instilling general feelings of annoyance.
I guess I'm not really one to talk much about it, though, seeing as how whether or not they look sad or happy, I'm usually much to shy or afraid to say anything to a stranger.
All in all, I'm glad you are comfortable with yourself and like yourself.
I'm beginning to be more comfortable with myself and like myself more and more each day as well.
♥
MaiTai